![]() ![]() Culture is what you celebrate and tolerate, so consider the implications for your underperforming employee. So give yourself some credit for at least remedying that underlying issue.īut likely your contributions also span day-to-day interactions both with that employee and with other employees. ![]() One of the biggest ways managers contribute to underperformance is by avoiding the difficult conversation. You also need to look at the ways you contribute to the problem. This concludes our preparation… but it shouldn’t.įocusing blame on the other party is fundamentally a disempowering position. If they just fixed these things, we’d be squared away, right? Now we have a solution. Usually problems contribute by the other party, often an underperforming engineer or failing partner. So we rightfully prepare for difficult conversations.įoremost, we prepare a list of problems. The remaining chapters in the book tease out these three conversations, what can go wrong, and how to develop skill in navigating them. We pride ourselves on planning the details. This feelings-first approach led to a much more productive conversation.Įngineering managers like feeling prepared. Then I encouraged the engineer to do the same. HBR: When to Skip a Difficult Conversation by Deborah Grayson Riegel In a 2013 Globis survey of more than 200 professionals on the topic of difficult conversations, 97 of respondents said. What the impact of their behavior on me was. ![]() I started by describing what I was feeling and experiencing. The second time around, I change things up to use this feelings-first approach. That’s when they either fight like a dog in a corner or tune you out. Rather than handling you 6 Swiss Army knives that have been separated by type of tool/knife, Crucial Conversations gives you one set of power tools to. People can sense when the wall of facts is building against them or a gotcha is on the horizon. I prefer Crucial Conversations, even though it probably doesn't apply to as many situations as this book talks about, because it gives you a useable framework of handling difficult conversations. Who said what, who did what, blah, blah, blah.įocusing on facts can lead you down a very pedantic, nit-picky, and ultimately unproductive path. 'Stone, Patton, and Heen illustrate their points with anecdotes, scripted conversations and familiar examples in a clear, easy-to-browse format.'-Publishers Weekly 'The central insights of Difficult Conversations so resonate with common sense that it is easy to overlook just how remarkable of a book it is. 90% of the subsequent conversation focused on facts. I once had a difficult performance conversation with an engineer and thought it best to establish the facts up front. That’s because difficult conversations are fundamentally about feelings, not facts. If you can agree on the facts, surely you’ll arrive at similar conclusions, right? Well maybe not. When you’re having a difficult conversation, it’s easy to focus on facts.įacts are objective. ![]()
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